i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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