Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
