her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize