It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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