So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
