Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
