my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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