god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Welp...herpes.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
