we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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