It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
