the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize