Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
