No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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