mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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