Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
