Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
