The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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