And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
