I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
