I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
