I'm so fucking centered right now
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
