don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
