WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
