I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
