There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
