did you get engaged???
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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