Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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