He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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