so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's shark week go big or go home
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
