Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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