I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
