That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
