"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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