he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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