Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
