can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
