I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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