I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
