I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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