Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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