Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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