Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
