I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
