everyone is single if you try hard enough
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
