My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
