ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
false alarm. still invincible.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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