Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
