Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
