You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
