Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
