Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
