Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize