Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
