then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
