Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Success! We fucked roommates!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
