hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
