i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
