I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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