I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
