yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
