Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
