I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
