I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
