It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
