didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
