You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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