lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
