That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
